Enjoy!
How can our family life bring us joy and happiness?
So many possible directions for this talk. Since I can’t go into them all, I wanted to at least list some possible venues for your personal exploration:
- Finding joy in the journey
- Experiencing joy in building Zion even in the mundane tasks
- Creating happiness in uniting as a family
- Building family relationships that bring joy
- Founding our family on the teachings of Jesus Christ
- Nurturing our personal joy and then bringing that to the family
- Choosing joy amid trial and hardship
- Having joy in multiplying and replenishing the earth
To start, as Ammon asked, I’ve been pondering: Have we not great reason to rejoice?
In Nephi’s vision of the tree of life, after being asked the meaning of the tree of life, Nephi writes:
22 And I answered him, saying: Yea, it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things.
23 And he spake unto me, saying: Yea, and the most joyous to the soul. (1 Nephi 11)
If the love of God is most desirable above all things and most joyous to the soul, is it possible that if not the next, surely close to the next thing most desirable and joyous to the soul would be the love of and for our family members?
"the end of all activity in the Church is to see that a man and a woman with their children are happy at home, sealed together for time and for all eternity." -- Boyd K Packer, April 2015
If we are not feeling this joy - that we are designed to feel in our families - I believe there is something we can personally do that will help change that.
Part of what I’m hoping to demonstrate here is that you can look to the Book of Mormon and find personal answers to your personal questions - I have experienced this before the stake presidency gave us the challenge to read the BoM with a question, but since the challenge, I have been blown away by the amount of inspiration that has streamed into my life.
One of the scriptures that touched me deeply in studying for this talk is in Mosiah 18. I asked the night I was studying this chapter “How can I find joy and happiness in family life?” In verse 21 -
21 And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.
23 And he commanded them that they should observe the sabbath day, and keep it holy, and also every day they should give thanks to the Lord their God.
25 And there was one day in every week that was set apart that they should gather themselves together to teach the people, and to worship the Lord their God, and also, as often as it was in their power, to assemble themselves together.
30...yea, the place of Mormon, the waters of Mormon, the forest of Mormon, how beautiful are they to the eyes of them who there came to the knowledge of their Redeemer; yea, and how blessed are they, for they shall sing to his praise forever.
I got a lot! As a family, we need to unite in worship, love, work, prayer, service, Sabbath-day observance, family get-togethers and even singing together. I was trying to think how we can unite spiritually together, and I kept coming back to v. 21, this idea of looking forward with one eye - maybe in the vernacular we could call it sharing a family vision. So, this week, I have been trying to focus more on our shared vision - especially reminding my children that we want our home to have a loving spirit and be a safe atmosphere for everyone - this is a vision we share - and reminders of this have helped me both being gentle in my discipline, and also helping them understand that they can and may actually want to choose to put a stop to bickering and contention.
Something the Lord has been teaching me recently is that He wants me to involve Him every day - more than just in my morning and evening prayers - in the mundane things as well as the spiritual or emotional (or even physical) emergencies. Sometimes I think oh - I know how to handle that - and I don’t need to bother Him … but is there a better way? Wouldn’t He like to accompany me on this diaper change? He can always help me handle things - even things that I already know - by helping me express more grace, more love - more Christlike character. This will then help me be more like Him, and help those I serve be better served, and the cycle will continue as they serve those around them better based on my example.
"our Heavenly Father never intended that we would deal with the maze of personal problems and social issues on our own" -- Russell M Nelson, Apr 2017
Maybe that includes diaper changes or determining lunch?! Why not imagine Him by our side, and see how that changes us and our family happiness.
Another thing I’ve been practicing doing with my children is what we call “do-overs” (I got it from a book, can’t take credit). When I am exasperated, my gentleness is one of the first things to go out the window … but when or once I have the wherewithal, I stop myself, apologize, and say, I’m going to do that over. Then it might be, “I understand that you are having fun playing your game, but it is time to set the table, and as a family we help each other out.” Or, if the kids are fighting, I might have them stop and practice communicating in kinder words or actions. It may feel a little corny, to stand there and have them say “I understand that you want a turn with my toy; I will let you after I finish,” and then the other, of course recites, “I understand that it is your toy and you are playing with it; May I please have a turn? Or thank you for letting me have a turn.” But the next time the situation arises … they are equipped with another choice of words to say than the first, natural-man reaction. They have practiced their parts to be kinder and give the benefit of the doubt. Could this apply to other family relationships, too? Can we forgive and have do-overs when we offend or are offended? How much peace can we create?!
New train of thought: There are no sides in family. In Mosiah chapter 20, we have the story of the priests of King Noah, who carried off the Lamanite daughters. The Lamanites wrongly accuse the people of Limhi. King Limhi sees the war preparation and prepares his people for war also. Doesn’t this already sound like [it could relate to a family] argument brewing? ...The king is found wounded among the dead, but they question him instead of slaying him, and find out about the accusation. King Limhi offers to search among his people (which is like a self-examination for wrong-doing - maybe we do need to apologize - it never hurts to self-examine and repent where necessary). Then Gideon suggests the true culprits - the wicked priests. The Lamanite king and people of Limhi go without arms and the king pleads on behalf of the people of Limhi, and peace is restored. Imagine going back to the offended without any weapons - no harsh words, no biting sarcasm, no counter-accusations? What if we drop it all and plead - in prayer or in person on behalf of hurt.
There are no sides in family. Before you accuse someone - remember that as a family, you are on the same side. The true enemy is not each other (represented here by the Lamanites and people of Limhi) but the father of contention, himself, yea, that old serpent, the devil (represented here by the wicked priests). There are no “sides” in family.
New train of thought: From the Family Proclamation, we read: "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ."
Ok, so, we need to learn the teachings of Jesus Christ, and make those principles our foundation.
Or in a slightly different angle: To have joy and happiness in our family life, we must approach the source of joy and happiness, Jesus Christ, and bring Him and His teachings into our family life. This is kind of an individual journey - you cannot force someone else to be happy if they are determined not to be. Case in point, Laman and Lemuel who wouldn’t go to the tree! But we can be examples, we can focus on what we can change.
Which brings me to the next point. We can choose happiness. We can choose joy. Some might think that happiness is something that happens to you. Maybe once they have a beautiful house, car, spouse, children, THEN they’ll be happy. Or maybe happiness is served on a silver platter. In my experience, happiness is something we experience in spite of what we go through.
I believe happiness is something we choose - and we have the liberty to choose it through righteous living and faith. Why is this? We must live true to what we know - to our consciences - in order to have the peace inside which happiness is based on. Then, come what may, we love it!
To quote President Nelson:
“Saints can be happy under every circumstance. We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year!
“My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.
“When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation, ... Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy. We feel it at Christmastime when we sing, “Joy to the world, the Lord is come.”9 And we can feel it all year round. For Latter-day Saints, Jesus Christ is joy!”-- Nelson, Oct 2016
I find it interesting that Mother’s Day is in the spring, just after we’ve celebrated Easter - a time of birth and rebirth. When I was pregnant with our 3rd child, Thomas, I was due the week after Easter. That day, a friend called me and told me of the death of a close relative. I remember saying to her … “but if you could choose when to die - wouldn’t Easter be the best time? When everything around you speaks of the resurrection of Jesus Christ and His victory over death?” I had never thought of that before, but the words came to me in the moment, … and I have pondered it ever since. Because … 3 days later, I went into labor with my fastest ever, most-complication-free, delivery. Thomas was born blue and without a heartbeat, but an incredible staff of neonatologists were able to get his heart beating and put him on a ventilator, although a preliminary scan showed abnormal brain activity - brain damage. We began a treatment that was to halt the brain damage. It was decided I would go home that night, to have a comfortable bed try and sleep and come back in the morning. We didn’t know if he would live or die. I opened my Book of Mormon, praying for a message for me, and read these words from Alma 4:
12 Yea, he saw great inequality among the people, some lifting themselves up with their pride, despising others, turning their backs upon the needy and the naked and those who were hungry, and those who were athirst, and those who were sick and afflicted.
13 Now this was a great cause for lamentations among the people, while others were abasing themselves, succoring those who stood in need of their succor, such as imparting their substance to the poor and the needy, feeding the hungry, and suffering all manner of afflictions, for Christ’s sake, who should come according to the spirit of prophecy;
14 Looking forward to that day, thus retaining a remission of their sins; being filled with great joy because of the resurrection of the dead, according to the will and power and deliverance of Jesus Christ from the bands of death.
This chapter begins after a huge war - so great were their afflictions that every soul had cause to mourn. In my margins by verse 14, I had written: "People who lost family - this was their hope - they had to do everything in v. 13"
I was in disbelief, but I had my answer. I knew he would die. I knew my hope would be looking forward to the resurrection. As one by one his organs came online … his brain, which had suffered from swelling, shut down. We had many spiritual experiences throughout his brief life and since.
The world would tell you to be devastated, and it was devastating - but more in a shock to the system, that this would be God’s will for our family. The world would tell you you could never recover - and I do still think about my son a lot, but I not in a despondent way. I choose happiness. I know I will see him again. If you knew you would see someone tomorrow, would you be so anguished at saying good-bye today? I can practically see our reunion in my mind’s eye - I can almost taste our reunion - will not the tears of sorrow turn to rejoicing? If I can rejoice tomorrow, can I not rejoice today? O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? In the teeniest way like Christ, for the joy set before me, I endure the cross, despising the shame (Hebrews 12:2).
If you want more happiness and joy in this life, you must choose it. Choose to put on a smile. Choose to come unto Christ. Choose to follow that still, small voice, which tells you to pause, bridle your passions, and act in love. Choose to act in love (for love is an action - people don’t fall out of love - they choose not to love anymore), and you will find that love reciprocates back to you - if not in the way you want or expect, then in a way you didn’t expect. The best love ... is Christ’s love. "O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever" (Jacob 3:2) I have experienced this feasting on His love, and its miraculous, healing influence. I know He is there for us, to console us in our afflictions, and to plead our cause.
To sum up, I want to go back to the beginning of my talk. How do we have joy and happiness in our family life? We choose it. We choose happiness. Choose gratitude. Choose love. We choose Jesus Christ.
(Alma 26) 35 Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, … he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. 36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of … [me and my family]
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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